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When I come home from a trip to a developing country I almost always go through a stage where I feel guilty. Why do I have more than enough food to eat when many people in Haiti don’t know if they’ll get one meal a day? Why do I have clean water on tap when a vast majority of the world does not? Why was I born in America when most of the world will never be given the kind of opportunity my country offers me?

But I’ve learned something over the years. If I respond to the intense need that I’ve seen in Haiti because I feel guilty for what I have, then all I’m really doing is trying to appease God. “Appease” is a strong word because it implies that God is angry at me for doing something and I’m trying to earn my way back into His grace. How do I earn grace? I don’t, I have to accept it as a gift and once I do then scripture says that “there is, therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1.

The other thing about guilt is that it may motivate someone in the short term to do some so-called “good” but it doesn’t work long term. It doesn’t change the inside of a person – except to possibly make a person bitter or angry.

So instead of asking “why do I have so much food?” I think a better question is “Why don’t Haitians have enough food?” Instead of asking “Why do I have clean water on tap?” I think a better question is “Why do so many people still die from drinking bad water?” If I focus my questions in that direction than I don’t feel guilty, I feel motivated to do something!

Right now, I’ve never felt more motivated!

This morning I went to church. That’s nothing new to me since I’ve been going to church almost every Sunday since I was a child. And the fact that I went to church in a developing country wasn’t all that new to me either since I’ve worshipped with believers in Senegal, Tanzania, El Salvador, Kenya and other developing countries. What made going to church today unique is that I’m in Haiti, and today I worshipped amidst the ruins of a church building where Believers gathered to sing praises in the midst of their own ruins.

Numerous blue tarps were strung together to provide some protection in case it rained. The tarps were hung by ropes attached to exposed rebar or pieces of cement blocks that had toppled. As the worship leader began to sing he used a bullhorn as his PA system. The singing began. We sang. Boy did we sing. The choruses were familiar but the words were sung in Creole. It didn’t matter, I sang quietly in English with tears welling up in my eyes.

The pastor spoke from Matthew Chapter 24:7-8, “Nation will go to war against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in many parts of the world. But all this is only the beginning of the birth pains, more will come.” Then much to my amazement, four young men came forward to be commissioned by the church to go, as missionaries, to other parts of Haiti where the earthquake damage is even worse. Even worse?! I was humbled.

Do you know how hard it can be to motivate American Christians to go – even short term – to the mission field? I know I can get pretty comfortable in my nice home and in my Sunday morning church experience…yet here was the Gospel being lived out by people who know pain, who know loss, who still grieve, and yet in the midst of it had the maturity and perspective to see the plight of others. In essence saying “we are hurting, but others are hurting more so let’s go bring them some Good News.” I wish every American Christian had been there.

So today I’m thankful for yet another experience of seeing God in action among His people. I feel like God just made another “Experience Deposit” into my life (see yesterday’s blog entry). My prayer remains that I live my life in such a way as to give God a good return on everything He has invested in me.

Things can change so quickly. As I drove through Haiti today and saw the massive amount of destruction it’s hard to fathom that all of it happened in about 30 seconds. 30 seconds! But I got some very sobering information today as we drove around and the World Concern staff was telling us about our Sunday agenda. After church tomorrow morning we’re going to “see the really bad part of town.” I’m having a hard time believing that it can get any worse.

Today I interviewed about eight women who survived the quake. Five of them had lost children in the quake. As I finished asking one woman all my questions she ended by simply saying “I am hopeless.” How do you respond to that without being trite and cliché?! I ended up thanking her for her time and told her I would pray for her. How many times do I say “I’ll pray for you” and I quickly throw up a prayer and call it good? Admittedly, far too often.

There’s an older song by Christian artist Steve Camp where part of the chorus asks “Can you taste the salt in the tears they cry?” I thought of that song a lot today. Do I get that involved with all the pain I see in Haiti? To be honest…no. I feel sympathy, I feel sorry for them, I feel somewhat helpless, actually.

But then I catch myself. My life – every penny I make, every experience I have, every blessing I’m given – is a gift from God. I actually own nothing. According to the Parable of the Talents God does have an expectation on what he gives me. He expects a return on the investment. So I can’t say I feel guilty about my life, but I do feel like I need to make sure God is getting a good return on what He’s invested in me.

The balancing act is the line between works and grace. Giving God a return on His investment can’t be driven by a desire to earn God’s approval by what I do, but rather by who I am – a man created by God to reflect his Glory. In order to reflect His Glory I need to allow God to conform me to the image of His Son…who entered into our plight in every way.

Tomorrow I will enter more into a very real plight. May I have the courage to see it, smell it, enter in to it, and in the process allow God to use the experience as yet another deposit into my life…and another chance to allow God to conform me to His image.